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At last, due to lack of demand, we have assembled the Doubtful Palace's annual holiday songs into one tasty but indigestible package. Grab that leftover turkey leg, pour the last bit of flat champagne into that dirty mug, and take a nosedive into nostalgia, one year at a time. Hardened DoubtPalistas will know a few of these tunes, but, for reasons that will soon be abundantly clear, many of them have never been made available to the public before.

Thanks go to Mark Wilcox for the nifty drawing!




Mystery Fix: Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.
"That period of dystopia when the mood elevators flat line and the narcotics don't kick in, but the hopeful background music drones on and on in the shopper's purgatory." —Will Puckett
Download (1.9 MB)


Mystery Fix: Ring Out, Ring In.
Enough with the Christmas already—time to give New Year's Day some love. Anyone for Tennyson? Thanks to the one and only Rich Lesnik for the stellar saxophone!
Download (7.3 MB)


Mystery Fix: We Three Kings.
They don't make rubber cigars like they used to.
Download (4.8 MB)


Shalmaneser: Good King Wenceslas.
Good king Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen
Turned his knickers inside out 'cause his bum was freezin'
—British schoolchildren's version
Download (2.3 MB)


Leonard Kringle: Suzanta. I understand that the Bengals have improved recently. Sorry, Bengals fans! And Leonard Cohen fans.
Download (8.0 MB)


Conjure Wife: The Christmas Song. The Copper Family song, not the Mel Torme song.
Download (4.8 MB)


Mercaptan: Linus And Lucifer. It's not really that satanic. And you can still dance to it Peanuts-style.
Download (4.5 MB)


Mercaptan: Joy To The World. "The peasants believe that if a husband and wife sleep together on the 25th of March the child must be born on Christmas Eve—and this child will inevitably turn out to be a Kaous. Its habits? It circulates mostly after dark croaking over and over again: 'Feathers or lead? Feathers or lead?'" —Lawrence Durrell, Reflections on a Marine Venus.
Download (3.6 MB)


Shalmaneser: Ding Dong! Merrily On High. Dutifully prime.
Download (3.5 MB)


Mercaptan: Brother North-Wind's Secret. Santa didn't bring us any Christmas song ideas this year. We understand—after all, there's a war on—but nevertheless, we were forced to shift our holiday attention to the vernal equinox. (If you want to know what Brother North-Wind's Secret is, you'll have to read this).
Download (5.1 MB)


Tim Walters: Veni, Veni Emmanuel. eVVeeeVneineeinin,i iv v,,evveneeiin ini i imEEEmEmmmmmmmnanaaaneneuelue lll aaapapatppttiitvvitivuvivmumu uum s s sossslvooloellvl vvI eIIs IrIIsrrsarrraeellal lQllQ Quu QQuuui giii ee e mgegmimtit it tit i ii iine enexexieiiixliiliolioi ioo oo P irrivrvviaavivvatvutaautttts sus D DDe eiie ei e if iiifiliiiillooiiG oGoaG GGuGadaueue,de,, gaga aggguuadadeeeedd ! E E EEEmEmmmmaammnnamnannunneuulel e n nn ann nnnnccaaesstctteuetuttrur ru ppp pprpr oroto eeete,t,, ,ee ,I IIs rIrarrreereallaeelelelll.ll
Download (3.9 MB)


Pledge Drive: Christmas Rhapsody. From A Silent Night At The Opera. Kris Kringle! No! Do not give him coal!
Special guest vocal appearance by One Of Each: Scott Adler, David Bender, Lisa Gallien, David Taylor (lead). Guitar: David Hearst. Bass: Craig McFarland. Piano: Chris Now. Drums: Steve Rosenthal. Spot vocals, recorder, sleigh bells: Tim Walters. Lyrics by Steve and Tim.
Download (8.2 MB)


Mercaptan: Entsprungen. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Mercaptan by any other name would not. Make this version of "Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming" part of your fragrant Christmas. Craig McFarland: bass. Greg Robles: guitar.
Download (2.2 MB)


Mercaptan: Invisible Mistletoe. Megan Lynch sings this terrific Franklin Bruno song.
Download (1.8 MB)


Slaw: Silent Night. Yes, it's supposed to sound like that.
Download (2.0 MB)


Pledge Drive: Fool For Yule. Hates Christmas. Loves Yule. A subtle but important distinction. Rebecca Marculescu (voice); Glenn Schoonmaker (guitar); Tim Walters (voice, etc.).
Download (4.6 MB)


Pledge Drive: Cherry Tree Carol. The one with all the time signature changes, not the one with the really syrupy tune. Rebecca Marculescu (voice); Tim Walters (instruments).
Download (4.8 MB)


Slaw: Jingle Bells. This one also has lots of time signature changes. For that matter, it has the same personnel. So why is it a different band? Long story. Don't worry about it. Rebecca Marculescu (voice); Tim Walters (instruments).
Download (2.4 MB)


The Damnation Army: Sangre de Santa. This song would later turn up (in a rather different arrangement) on Pledge Drive's I Gave At The Office album. This is the original version, recorded live in the studio the day it was written. Kevin Turner (bass); Michael Van Landingham (drum); Cory Verbin (organ); Tim Walters ("voice").
Download (1.7 MB)


Conjure Wife: Down In The Forest. A dark and slightly confused Yuletide nightmare. It has something to do with the Fisher King. Maybe. Mike Freitas (drums); Leigh Ann Hussey (voice, fiddle); Tim Walters (dulcimer, synthesizer).
Download (4 MB)


Circular Firing Squad: Reindeer Stew. We come in peace. Please don't sue us.
Download (3.9 MB)


Slaw: Jingle Bells. The very first Doubtful Palace holiday track. If you've made it this far, our congratulations. Or our sympathies. Take your pick.
Download (4.4 MB)

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